


Ash Stained Fingers

by PearlHavoc



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: F/F, Super pretentious title, Underage Smoking, i wrote this instead of doing homework, like a lot of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 15:16:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13954347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PearlHavoc/pseuds/PearlHavoc
Summary: Asami smokes and copesorAsami has a complicated relationship with smoke, she works through it eventually





	Ash Stained Fingers

**Author's Note:**

> This started off as a headcanon and grew into this

When her mother dies Asami burns her hands badly trying to put out the blaze that had once been her mother. The officers that find her have to forcefully drag her away from the scene. The skin on her hands is almost completely destroyed. A healer fixes most of the damage at the hospital later. She gains the majority of the feeling back in her hands. There’s no scarring but her hands are permanently tinted a slightly darker pink. It’s not noticeable unless you’re looking for it.

It’s not that she’s scared of fire, she knows the damage that fire can do. But that doesn’t mean that she likes it. She doesn’t like how her father won’t look at her the same as before. She doesn’t like how it feels like she lost both parents rather than just one.

When she’s still in the public school system one of the boys in her grade finds out about her fear he tries to burn her pigtails. Asami breaks his nose in retaliation. Both of them end up getting in trouble. Her father transfers her to a private school soon after.

Asami has her first cigarette when she’s twelve. She hates it at first. Some of the older girls at her boarding school had snagged a pack from the headmistress during detention. They each take a turn taking a puff from a cigarette. Most of the girls almost puke after a single puff. Asami finishes her first and second in rapid succession. She starts her third, but that’s the moment that the headmistress decides to break up their little party. Asami gets detention, and her father is notified of her transgression. Her father actually checks his voicemail two weeks later and she finally receives her punishment. Her father takes her out of school and hires a fleet of private tutors. It only ends up isolating her more.

Asami finally gets her third cigarette when she’s thirteen. She’s working in the factory during the summer. Her father thought that it would ‘build character’. She supposes it does, but she’s not sure what kind of character her father wanted her to build. She likes the work, it’s much more interesting than her school work, and makes a hell of a lot more sense too. It’s a big bonus that she gets to talk to people other than her tutors. A lot of workers smoke on their breaks. Asami asks and one of them gives her a cigarette and lends her a lighter. She likes the taste a lot better these days, and it helps steady her hands.

Republic City doesn't have any laws about minors buying cigarettes. So, she buys a couple packs to keep on hand and an extra to give to the worker that lent her one. Whenever she works the line at the factories she brings her pack and a lighter and takes breaks with the other workers.

Her father catches her smoking with the workers and sends her to therapy. He didn’t send her to therapy after her mother died, but he sends her to therapy for smoking. Go figure.

“Why did you start smoking Asami?”

“Because I like it,” Asami pulls a pack out of her breast pocket to prove her point, she pulls a lighter from another pocket, and makes a move to light it.

“No, no, no, you can’t do that here,” the therapist quickly grows flustered as he tries in vain to take the cigarette from her lips. Asami can tell that her new therapist is not used to having actual human patients, she can tell that she’s one of his first clients.

“I like smoking, it keeps me calm,” she lights the cigarette at her lips. She gets some satisfaction out of the shade of white her therapist turns.

“Why do you need cigarettes to be calm?” He manages to stammer out.

“When I was a kid I watched my mother die, that leaves something of an impact on a person,” Asami knocks the end of her cigarette on the edge of the coffee table.

“Your father tells me that you are afraid of fire.”

She thinks that her father doesn’t know her that well to say something like that.“I’m not afraid of fire, I weld all the time, there’s no way I could do that if I were afraid of fire, I like smoking because it gives me some control over my life,” Asami makes it as obvious as possible that she’s checking her watch, “Our session time has expired, I’ll see you next week,” she smiles like a Cheshire cat owl. She doesn’t go back next week, or the week after that.

Republic City doesn’t regulate drivers licenses either, so at fifteen she hotwires a Future Industries prototype and takes it drag racing. Her debut is spectacular for all of twenty minutes before she takes a curve too hard and destroys a mailbox, a fire hydrant, and severely dents a lamppost. The police pick her up soon after and take her home. 

Her father pays the fines without much fuss and she rebuilds the prototype herself. She knows that he notices when her clothes smell like smoke but still says nothing.

When she and Mako finally go out on their dinner date she waits until the drive in the park to start smoking, “Do you have to do that here?” Mako complains constantly about the smell, not that he smells much better.

“It’s my car, I’ll do what I like,” she states matter-of-factly and the conversation is done.

Korra remarks on her smell, but Asami thinks that it’s likely that Korra doesn't know what cigarettes smell like.

After her father almost kills her she smokes an entire pack in short order, it helps her hands stop shaking. She can’t feel the glass cuts on her hands, she only knows that she’s hurt when she actually looks down at her hands and sees the blood.

“I didn’t know that you smoked,” Bolin remarks after she starts her second pack. They’re both sitting on the destroyed airfield with Naga and Pabu, waiting for the United Forces to help then officially arrest the remaining equalists.

“I’ve been doing it since I was fourteen, it helps me relax, do you want one?” She offers Bolin one out of politeness, not that she’d ever actually give him one. He didn’t need to start smoking because of her.

“No, no, I’m good, besides Mako would kill me,” he holds up his hands in mock surrender, and Asami cracks a smile that feels like it’s going to break her face.

They take Korra to the South Pole to try and help her regain her bending. Asami forgets to pack cigarettes for the trip and ends up having withdrawal symptoms the whole time they’re down there.

Kya gives her some herbs and she feels marginally better. “Withdrawal’s a bitch.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Asami laughs at the incredulity of the situation, “Do you smoke?”

“When I was younger I did it, now I’ve moved on to greener pursuits,” Asami gets the joke and laughs for real, “Don’t tell my mom, she’d have a Hippo Cow,” Kya says with all the maturity of a teenager caught with their first cigarette. Asami thinks that they were very different teenagers, nonetheless she likes the older woman. They chat frequently during her short trip down to the South Pole. Kya sends her back with more herbs just in case she decides to try and quit smoking. Asami appreciates the gesture and keeps the herbs handy, even if she never uses them.

The second time they head down there Asami doesn’t make the same mistake. She brings more than enough packs to last her the trip. When she’s working with Varrick she smokes just to annoy him. Varrick says that the smoke affects his ‘creative juices’. Asami can’t tell if she should be exasperated or laughing.

Taking a company over at eighteen stresses her out, the office that used to be her father's fills with smoke quickly.

Asami lights up a cigarette the moment Korra starts driving, needing something to relax her at the prospect of the Avatar destroying her car.

“You know those things will kill you, right?” Korra takes her eyes off the road to admonish her.

“I know, I like it though,” she takes a deep drag, “keep your eyes on the road,” she admonishes right back, smirking slightly.

“I’m sorry about Mako,” Korra says, taking her eyes off the road again.

“Don’t be, I don’t think we’d have worked out anyways,” it’s the truth, she and Mako worked only on the surface level, anything deeper was asking too much of either of them. They were still friends though.

“How’d you even start smoking?”

“I worked in the Future Industries Factories when I was younger, most of the workers smoked and I picked up the habit,” it’s not the whole truth, but it makes the most sense right now.

During their travels in the Earth Kingdom Asami knows that she can’t smoke on the airship. It’d be way too much of a fire hazard. So she sneaks cigarettes when they stop to refuel. Kai tries to convince her to give him a cigarette during one of their stops and she smacks him.

“Dammit you hit hard,” Kai rubs the back of his head in earnest.

“They aren’t good for you, better you don’t start than try and quit later.”

“It’s not like I haven’t had one before,” Kai sulk, sliding his back down the wall unceremoniously and lolling his head to get a sideways glance at her. He lets out a long whine.

“If you start smoking there’s no way Tenzin is going to let you anywhere near Jinora,” Asami smirks when the boy blushes and starts stammering. “Don’t worry I won’t tell him, just don’t start.” Kai smiles up at her, grateful.

“You seem like too much a goody two shoes to smoke.”

“I don’t think you know me well enough to say that,” Asami laughs, finishes up her cigarette and ushers Kai back onto the airship.

The Earth Queen doesn’t allow smoking in her presence so Asami holds off for the entirety of their time in Ba Sing Se. Zaofu is a bit more understanding, the smell of smoke can’t stick to metal.

After they get Korra back from the Red Lotus Asami tries to not smoke around Korra. She doesn’t need anything else to worry about. Korra catches her late one night sneaking a cigarette. Asami had been watching over Korra for over two weeks. Korra’s mom was due to come in any day now, She would have been here sooner but a storm had held her up. During that time the neither of them had slept much. Korra woke almost every night from nightmares and Asami rarely slept to keep her company.

“Asami,” Korra trails off before she even starts the sentence.

“Korra, you need your rest, try and get some sleep, I’ll be back soon,” Asami knows it’s selfish, but she wants to finish the cigarette.

“Why did you start smoking?” Korra could barely move her arms, it must have taken a lot of effort to make it outside.

“I’ve told you already,” Asami puts her cigarette out and moves to push Korra back inside.

“Tell me again,” Korra finally asks when they’re back inside. Asami helps Korra lie back down on her bed, situates herself on the edge of the bed. Interlacing their fingers.

“You know I went to boarding school for a while right? Some older girls stole some cigarettes from the headmistress and handed them out like candy, not that any of them could handle it,” Asami laughs at the memory, it’s not terribly sincere, but the memory itself it funny.

“But little Asami Sato could?”

“No little Asami Sato almost puked, but kept smoking because she thought the other girls would like her more, she also thought it looked cool.”

“Little Asami Sato was a rebel huh?” Korra’s smile is still lopsided but most of the mirth is gone.

“Believe me, that was about as far as I got with the whole teenage rebellion thing,” she pauses, thinking for a second, “Although I did steal one of my dad’s prototypes and crash it when I was fifteen, that might count too,” Korra smiles for real at that story. Asami brushes the bangs out of her face and tucks her in properly.

“You need to finish your story,” Korra says wearily, fidgeting as much as she can to get comfortable. Asami adjusts her pillow to better suit her neck. Korra settles down in appreciation.

“Then I started to work summers in the Future Industries factories and smoking was really common, it was easy to pick up the habit, and now it’s hard to quit,” Asami takes a deep breath, “I was afraid of fire right after my mom died, and I guess I never really got over it, when I was smoking then at least I was in control of the fire, and it helped me get over my fear,” Asami genuinely laughs at how stupid it sounds out loud.

“What’s so funny?”

“I’m just thinking about how stupid this all must sound to you.”

“It’s not stupid, it’s part of your life story, how stupid could that be? But I do think that thirteen-year-old Asami wasn’t the brightest.”

“I could write a whole chapter in my autobiography about it, ‘My idiotic teen years’,” Asami holds her hands up like she’s making a presentation and Korra lets a snicker escape her lips.

“What chapter would I be in?”

“Maybe ‘The Avatar steals my first boyfriend, but we still end up friends’? Although when we met might still fall into my idiotic teen years,” Korra lets out a long yawn, “You should get some rest, good night Korra,” Asami squeezes her hand affectionately before rising to return to her quarters. Korra reaches out and grabs her hand before she can turn to leave.

“Please don’t leave, I don’t want to be alone right now, you can sleep in the bed with me if you want,” Korra’s eyes are pleading, and Asami sits down on the floor next to Korra’s bed. She rubs circles into the back of Korra’s hand until the other girl falls into a dreamless sleep. Despite Korra’s offer Asami ends up falling asleep sitting up against Korra’s bed, their hands still intertwined when Senna wakes them a few hours later.

And then Korra goes back to the South Pole and Asami goes back to work full time. The first few months that Korra’s gone Asami smokes like a chimney. She didn’t think it was possible to miss someone that wasn’t dead so much. She writes Korra almost every day but hears nothing back. Nonetheless, she keeps sending letters. When one day she finds a letter with a return address stamped from the South Pole in her mailbox she nearly collapses in relief.

The next couple of months after that she tries to wean herself off cigarettes. She doesn’t want to be that person anymore, she doesn’t want to let old decisions rule her life. It’s a slow process, and her progress isn’t always straightforward. She joins and quits several smoking cessation programs in quick succession. None of them quite work for her but she passes their information on to the people that work in her factories, offering a bonus for workers that managed to quit.

Around the same time, she goes to return her father’s letters. The meeting doesn’t quite go as intended, and she returns a few weeks later.

“You’ve stopped smoking, haven’t you?” Her father remarks during one of their Pai Sho games.

“I’ve been trying to quit, with moderate success,” she captures one of his pieces, “it’s hard.”

“Any particular reason you’re trying to stop?”

“I want to be better,” it’s the truth, she sees the questions forming in her father’s eyes, so she continues, “For me,” she moves in for the kill and the game is over. “You’re getting soft in your old age dad,” it’s the first time that she’s called him that in almost four years and he starts crying. She doesn’t cry there, she packs up the board, says her goodbyes then goes an cries in Avatar Korra Park. She stares up at the statue and thinks that if she had any cigarettes on her she would have broken her streak.

When she gets word that Korra’s back in Republic City, and alive, and okay, Asami can’t stop her hands from shaking. She’s kept a pack of cigarettes in the air vent of her office for emergencies, so far it had remained unopened. She unscrews the vent and almost rips the plastic off the container, but she stops herself short. She takes the pack out of the air vent and screws it back into place. Asami tosses the pack into the trash without another thought.

When she and Korra embrace later that day Asami doesn’t want to let go.

And then Kuvira is attacking the city and everyone is panicking, Asami includes herself in this count, but finds that she doesn’t have the urge to smoke anymore.

When she buries what’s left of her father she buries the last of her cigarettes. Asami doesn’t tell anyone about the burial, but Korra shows up anyways. He’s buried next to her mother because even after everything that had happened she thinks that that’s what they would have wanted.

“Are you okay?” Korra asks tentatively, reaching out for her hand, Asami takes it without hesitation. Even with the damaged nerves in her hands, she loves the way Korra holds onto her so gently.

“I don’t know,” it’s honest, and it’s the best she can offer right now. She starts crying against her own volition. Korra pulls her into a tight embrace.

“That’s okay,” and that’s enough for now.

When they sit on the edge of the party at Varrick and Zhu Li’s wedding more comes out. And again when they’re in the spirit world. And again when they visit Korra’s parents for the first time as a couple. And Asami thinks she’s starting to realize how grief doesn’t have to hurt nearly as much as it did when she was young.

And she holds Korra’s hand and thinks that it will all be alright.


End file.
